Liquor Locusts

Posted on March 16, 2010 | By The Bon-Vivant | Comments Off on Liquor Locusts

We’re certain many of you are asking the question, “Why Liquor Locusts?”

Although a quick glance down the front page of this site should provide explanation enough (i.e here are people who like to drink liquor, perhaps even in quantity), we think you deserve a slightly fuller explanation.

The genesis of the term “liquor locusts” goes all the way back to 1988, when one of us returned to our home town, where the others still resided, after a four-year sojourn in the employ of Uncle Sam, a new wife and child in tow.

Sir, would you be so kind as to stand a fellow sinner a tumbler of healthful elixir? I could repay you next week. 

Being still young men, full of vigor and appetite, although no longer as footloose, nor as fancy free, we renewed and deepened our acquaintance through the convivial social medium of drink, principally at the residence of our newly-returned, newly-married friend.

Unfortunately, being young men of powerful appetite and impudence, these convocations would often last into the wee hours, during which prodigious quantities of liquor would be consumed. In fact, not to put too fine a point on it, but typically we would drink everything in the house, down to the final, harsh bottle of cooking sherry, and then drunkenly bray for more.

It was during one of these symposia that the wife of our returned friend (now ex-wife, for perhaps understandable reasons) coined the term “Liquor Locusts” to describe what was our decidedly acrididae-like behavior.

And it stuck.

(Note by The Enabler:  This pretty much tallies with my memories of the event.  I think we may have knocked back the occasional bottle of vanilla extract, but we drew the line at aftershave.  I think.  Some of my memories of those nights are pretty hazy.)

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The Liquor Locusts

The Liquor Locusts

"The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind." ~H.L. Mencken

The Dangers of Thirst

"Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing." ~Jerome K. Jerome

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The Jug of Empire!

The Jug of Empire!

"How solemn and beautiful is the thought that the earliest pioneer of civilization, the van-leader of civilization, is never the steamboat, never the railroad, never the newspaper, never the Sabbath-school, never the missionary -- but always whiskey!" ~Mark Twain